DoA: Xtreme Beach Volleyball
The world's first
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I've a lot to be grateful for courtesy of the ladies of Microsoft’s DoA Xtreme beach volleyball (why do companies do that? I’m already annoyed at the little red lines appearing under the 'hip' misspelling of extreme). The promotional girlie calendar Microsoft sent us at Christmas, devoting a month to each of the snake-hipped, impossibly breasted, firm young beauties, when pinned up next to the fridge makes sure I don't reach for the jam for a third piece of toast and don’t stray over a size 10.
That being said, we can pretty much agree that I am not attacking this game from a particularly feminist angle (though any attempt to deny that the game was totally insulting would be pointless). Gratuitous female semi-nudity (or full frontal nudity, if you believe that the 'nude patch' circulating the internet actually works) in video games is all good fun, no-one’s exploited, and let’s face it: we all like to giggle at an enormous pair of boobs faintly bouncing after a character has jumped up or taken a dive. No, the reason I’m attacking this game is that it’s shite.
I suppose I'm just disappointed. I really wanted this game to be a good laugh – a game in the same thread as the other DoA titles, that can be happily picked up after a few beers with your mates in an undemanding, fun tournament style game. The fact that you can laugh (or get aroused, if that’s what floats your boat, so to speak) at the characters' overtly sexual celebrations, such as Tina’s elaborate high uncrossing and crossing of her legs, is all part of the enjoyment. So that’s what I expected: a volleyball tournament game, complete with all the leg, breast and arse-ogling fun you care for thrown in.
I was, of course, wrong. Although that's about the gist of the multi-player game, it’s not exactly the most fun you can have with an Xbox; and after about a minute of bad camera angles, uncoordinated button tapping and soft groaning noises from the girls (in the game, not playing it, its not that good), we quickly got bored and stuck Kung-fu Chaos on for some better multi-player action. It’s best not to go for the multi-player option straight-away, as although the outcome of the matches isn’t overtly dependant on skill, with two of you both hitting redundant buttons and causing the characters to miss, fall over or just walk slowly around, the game isn’t quite as fast paced or 'reaction testing' as it purports to be. So, if you are still interested in the game, take my advice and play it on your own for a bit first to get the hang of it. Though, if you’re male and still going to buy it, I'm guessing that any time spent playing alone is quickly going to turn into playing with yourself. Anyhow, for the few precious minutes/seconds in which you keep the controller firmly gripped with both hands, go to the exhibition mode for a bit of practice.
Comments
Awwww... come on Keri! Jiggly Boobies! That's gotta make it worth at LEAST 80%. It's like a moving copy of sports illustrated! LOVE IT!
(the views and/or points presented by the above persons are intended to be taken lightly. The person is currently undergoing strong mental tests, to ascertain safety levels towards members of the online community. If found please return to 'The Sanitarium', 32 marylbone Rd. London. Thank you)
Sad review. You try to hide under the pretense that you are trying to be fair and non-biased, which is even more of a joke then the review itself. You made it extremely evident that you hadn't even taken the time to get to learn how to properly play the game and acknowledge it's features without highlighting how little you actually understood it.
This is incredibly obvious when you start rambling off about how you couldn't even comprehend why there were character based slot machines. Did it ever occur to you that it may of simply been for aesthetic value? or do you always look for some sort of mysterious government coverup behind every seemingly unexplained phenomenon in games? Get a grip.
It seems you are more distraught over how little gifts you are recieving from your boyfriend then you actually come up with any semblance of a reasonable review.
Get over yourself. And stop trying to rip into adolescent teens - comment on something once and highlighting it is enough to make a reasonable point, continuously rehearsing such a weak argument only illustrates your obvious lack of ability to create a good one.
You blatantly ignore any and all of the games good points, and then launch into some sort of hissy fit about how mind boggling it is to be able to buy standard fashion accessories such as hair clips or nail polish - is that really such a problem for you or did some sort of traumatising accident involving these items occur to you as a child?
I tend to ignore those accessories, and leave it at that. I even gave the nail polish a try one to see the affect, but wasn't too phased. It's there because it gives the users options; it's part of the design. Free choice. Just like there a variety of outfits, not just the ultra skimpy ones - people like having options and variety; though from your arguments you probably couldn't even comprehend that aspect either.
No one is denying the obvious primary male target audience of the game, and there are aspects which certainly could have been improved, it's just when someone closes their eyes and ears to any form of common sense then rubbish reviews such as this one get written and undermime by all accounts, what is actually a reasonable game.
Take it for what it is, dont try to make it into something is quite obviously not.
titties!
You could have at least put up screen shots from the actual game. The ones posted here are not from DOAX. And one other thing, the multiplay is only two people, not four as stated in the review. I have never played the game and I knew that much. I love thorough reviews. Good job!
Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit you know.
The pictures have been fixed, only goes to prove that even the best make mistake.
This has to the most ridiculous review I've ever seen of a game. It's only one persons oppinion, I agree but come on!
Get a grip an try to understand that even tough YOU don't like the game doesn't mean that it's bad. I don't like the final fantasy so I don't review them, simple as that! The gameplay in this game is actually deeper than you make it out to be and is great fun! you only wanted a game that you could sit down, have a beer and laugh at? Well, then this game isn't for you. I love the game, and there is maaany others out there also (and yes, maany of us are 20+ and have families or girlfriends!). My girlfriend loves the game and so does my friends wife (and himself) so don't come here and dismiss the qualities of a game because it wasn't your cup of tea...
I didn't say it was bad because I didn't like this sort of game, but just because it was like an over-simplified kids' game with some erotic imagery... I finished it in about 4hours (so that would have cost me £10 an hour for that much entertainment). As you said, I thought it was weird and you don't have to agree my dear, but the review comprised of more than 'I don't like it so you shouldn't play it'. Of course some people like it - you could say the same thing about any crap game, there's always an audience!
I have reviewed plenty of games that I consindered mediocre, only to be told by 'fans' that the game is the best ever. Lets get one thing straight here, we offer REVIEWS, look at the last bit of that word. It says VIEW. Keri is providing us with her VIEW, it may not be to your liking, but she is providing us with a concise and thoughtful insight into why she thinks this game isn't worthy of your money. If you don't agree, fair enough, thats your view, but Keri has hers too.
And there the rant ends. I'm off for a little nap now. Good day.
there's always an audience!
The marketeers ensure that
I Love it. You make it look so real!
Just kidding
Is there a topless mode in it?? and if so how do you access it?
TITLicius! WHO WOULDN'T WANT TO SEE NAKED CHICKS PLAYING VOLLYBALL AND JIGGLING WHILE THEY HOP IN WATER!
I love DOAX i play it all the time. The bathing suits are so cool. Your a "little" to abbsesed with the game. Putting pictures every just to be like a computerized made up woman. That's stupid and dumb.
I agree with you there.
How do I play the beach volley ball game?
Bill
send me the nudity patch you can find my words on the game geek site for free Speech BUT I WANT THE NUDITY PATCH
beat about the bush (or bikini line).
ROFL. I nearly choked on my coffee reading that.
all i want to do is find out how to play the game. finding nemo underwater world of fun. no one knows how to play it. thank you. Dusty and son