Opoona

O-poo-na

When their spaceship suddenly falls under attack from unknown foes, Tizian Cosmic Guards Dadeena and Mameena hurriedly secure their three children in separate life pods and jettison them towards the relative safety of nearby planet Landfall. Rescued by friendly inhabitants and taken to one of their domed cities, lucky escapees Opoona, Copoona and Poleena must form fruitful friendships, learn new skills, and battle evil beasties aplenty as they strive to reunite their broken interstellar family.

Released in Japan in November of 2007 and across North America in March of 2008, the PAL version of Opoona has now finally found its way on to European shores in an attempt to add a little positive spin to its otherwise mediocre critical reception. Without giving away the underlying sentiment of this particular review's appraisal, it's fairly safe to say that KOEI should have spared Europe from its gaudy and saccharin sci-fi RPG, which arrives as a half-baked genre swipe that fails to impress on almost every level in a gaming arena populated by significantly superior alternatives.

Granted, many of those alternatives reside on consoles other than the Nintendo Wii, but Opoona's failure to maximise its impact on a videogame platform that's not exactly bursting with worthy RPGs makes the end result all-the more gratingly disappointing. Specifically, publisher KOEI and developer ArtePiazza have completely ignored the Wii's motion-sensing capabilities in creating Opoona, which offers uninspired RPG action and interaction across the board apart from a simple and largely unrewarding combat system that's mapped to the Nunchuk's thumb stick and two front buttons.

Opoona is also a poor performer visually and wouldn't look out of place on the PlayStation 2. While its environments manage to remain colourfully varied, its lacklustre character design and basic character animation conspire to fracture any sense of immersion. For example, players are forced to embrace a steadily expanding selection of core family protagonists that rank amongst the most unappealing and bland to have ever appeared in a videogame, while all characters are cursed by a perpetual in-game moonwalk that's almost laughably bad while being undeniably lazy on the developer's part.

Looking not unlike a hard-boiled egg with a generic LEGO face, inconceivably short legs and a nondescript blob of a body, the only notable feature on Opoona himself is the bizarre Energy BonBon (seriously) that floats above his head and can be charged as a deadly projectile while in battle (again, seriously). The same general principles apply to Opoona's brethren, Copoona and Poleena who also sport shoddily simplistic design and prerequisite BonBon weaponry. Why is a sugary French candy chosen as a space-age weapon for a group of budding Cosmo Guards, revered protectors of the galaxy? Who knows, or indeed cares?

The sad irony with Opoona's central design failing is that the aesthetic appearance of almost every NPC in the game suggests the developers invested a degree of time and effort in their creation. Of course, some may say the simplicity of Opoona and his BonBon-equipped family stands as a welcome juxtaposition as they're from a different planet. Humbug! It's simply weak design that drives a wedge between player and character and it's hard to believe many people will warm to the notion of shuffling around as an emotionless egg in a spacesuit while every passing NPC looks decidedly cool.

The story's pacing doesn't help matters either, thanks to narrative gameplay sections that crawl along and see little lumbering Opoona backtracking repeatedly through environments that are difficult to navigate due to poorly formed layouts, an almost useless in-game map system, and NPCs that offer 'helpful' directions and instructions that often don't coincide with what the player is actually traversing through. A considerable portion of the game is also spent making friends and performing a variety of menial tasks, errands and jobs so that ever-willing Opoona can receive upgraded Landfall Ranger licenses, which, in turn, enable him to access new areas of the city. Once unlocked, he's then free to, um... perform yet more tedious and dullard mini quests such as waiting tables, cleaning up trash, and playing the ukulele. You couldn't make this up.

The game's battles, as with most RPGs, take place beyond the confines of Landfall's domes and pit Opoona against all manner of evil 'Rogues' intent on taking his pulsating BonBon and verily shoving it where the sun don't shine. Fans of random RPG clashes will be thrilled to know that it's often hard to progress for more than a few seconds through the game's (really quite attractive) exterior environments before being unceremoniously hurled into a wondrously unrewarding battle against a raft of pretty uninspired enemies.

Those RPG fans who prefer picking their own battles while perusing the environment should be forewarned that character levelling, banked currency, and inventory items taken from the battlefield do not successfully allay the clawing desire to launch the Wii Remote and Nunchuk through the TV screen every 10 seconds as the game continually refuses to permit exploration. Again, as with the character design shortfalls, Opoona's annoyingly frequent and shallow real-time battles are made even more disappointing due to a unique fighting system that works beautifully but falls flat due to its placement on a bland and unconvincing stage.

The intuitive battle mechanic works entirely through the Nunchuk and sees players selecting specific, usually more dangerous enemies before then leaning the thumbstick left or right to bend the hurled BonBon through crowds in order to deliver its charged payload with accuracy. The stick can also be tilted to lob the BonBon over closely situated enemies and reach those placed in the distance, or the BonBon of doom can also be sent surging forward on a powerful shallow trajectory at whichever enemy is closest.

While it's entirely possible that modern 'next-gen' RPGs are spoiling us with actual in-game and cut-scene vocal performances, the lack of charisma evident throughout Opoona is magnified by nothing but text-based speech -- be that in-game or during cut scenes. As a result, the narrative becomes almost as tedious as the job quests, and is further kicked betwixt the legs due to poor localisation that might leave younger players scratching their heads in confusion.

The only atmospheric respite from the incessant clicking of text scrolling across the screen is the game's musical accompaniment, which, while the work of Final Fantasy's renowned Hitoshi Sakimoto, is sickly sweet and annoyingly repetitive - especially when traipsing around cities with no clear direction of what to do next. If your ears can stand the mounting internal pressure and you can consume enough un-ground coffee beans to maintain consciousness, then Opoona will reward you with around 30 hours of gameplay. Yet, despite the decent longevity, it's highly unlikely that anyone other than lobotomised hardcore RPG fans or fresh-faced youngsters will be able to trudge through the mire without attempting to plunge the Wii Remote through their rib cage.

Opoona is a soullessly bland affront to quality RPGs and a stinging slap in the face to those Wii owners waiting for a publisher and developer to take advantage of the yawning genre chasm that exists on Nintendo's deserving platform. With characters boasting all the appeal of a ruptured colostomy bag and an overall level of presentation that leaves the Wii audibly apologising during every load screen, there's very, very little to recommend about Opoona.

Beyond its intriguing battle system, Opoona is simply a monotonous trawl through futuristic cities that never impress, luscious exteriors that are never allowed to impress, gameplay that makes Crazy Frog Racer 2 look impressive, and an anorexic storyline that only succeeds in impressing on the player that the 30 hours required to drag themselves over the finish line will be lost in the pits of gaming hell forever.

50%

By Stevie Smith