Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

Brad rather likes pizza and sewers, which is just as well...

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A lot happens as the decades pass. Fads come and go (and come again), Governments change hands, and kids inevitably grow up. When I was a youngster Margaret Thatcher was in power. We weren't allowed to see, let alone own, a pair of Nunchuku and "Ninja" was a naughty word as it was struck from the title of the popular show based on mutated turtles being replaced, in a very lame manner I might add, with the word "Hero". But as I said, times change. I grew up, the Government changed and the Turtles faded away. But look! They have returned some 15 years later and with them they bring their rightful name and we get to see Nunchuku in all their glory. The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are back, and glorious their return be. Or not.

As with anything fresh in the minds of youth, a videogame based upon it can never be far behind. Unsurprisingly the Turtles have graced virtually every console known to man, skipping the 32bit era while they were on their hiatus, and returning now at a time where number of "bits" is irrelevant. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is an unashamedly retro styled side scrolling beat-em up. A definite nod back to the Arcade game of the 80's, and it sees you, and a buddy should you so choose, take to the streets of New York to dish out mutated vigilante justice on any dumb punks who choose to get in your way. And that's pretty much it. The inclusion of the very pretty clips from the new TV show are not enough to disguise its pimply arcade roots.

Presenting themselves in Cel-Shaded 3D it could be argued that the Turtles have never looked better on a console. The animation of the Turtles is great and each has a distinctive moveset, enemies too are good looking if not quite as visually diverse as one would hope, but then again henchman aren't known for their individual sense of fashion, are they? The levels are quite bland in comparison however, with mostly flat colours and simple objects occupying the game world. While true to the cartoon one would wish that they held some more interactivity as a result. But no, they merely pose as uninteresting backdrops to what unfortunately amounts to uninteresting action.

Controls are simple, even with the inclusion of the additional moves that are unlocked throughout the course of the game. Something that may garner attention for a short while is the combo meter which relates to score bonuses at the end of each level. Even so it is probably only the most obsessive amongst our rabid gamer horde that will be interested in making the most of the feature. Completing a level sometimes feels more of a test of patience rather than skill, facing identical waves of enemies time after time is enough to send any respectable man to drink, levels are also overly long for such a simple title. Things fare marginally better with a friend, but not significantly enough to endure what fast becomes an exercise in patience and just how long one can play before your eyes glaze over.

Its overly simple nature means the game falls apart early; the levels are lazily designed, progress is blocked by "force fields" until all the enemies in the current section are dealt with, pick ups are by and large easy to come by and the hidden items that unlock moves and bonus characters are not hard to uncover at all, even for the young audience the game is intended for. The bosses, while displaying some imagination and competent execution, are quite easy to beat and only offer limited thrills.

Things don't really pick up even in multiplayer mode, the main game is limited to only two players and the 4 player sub-games are uninteresting and not a great deal of fun even when additional characters are unlocked. One thing about the Turtles which you should be forewarned of however is the sound, it has by far the most annoying set of audio effects in the history of videogames. The four green lunatics do not shut up, and with only 3 or four phrases each, 10 minutes into the first level will see you reaching for your remote control to turn off the sound. It's horrible. What's worse is that my girlfriend insists on yelling out "Eat feet! Eat feet! Eat feet!" and she doesn't come with a mute button.

So while times have certainly moved on and allowed the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles to become what they were once destined to be, it would seem that Konami still have their feet firmly planted in the 80's. It's a shame, because there have been some quality Turtles games in the past, and given Konami's penchant for making some of the greatest games ever, their effort here is substandard. While 80's retro gamers may enjoy what is on offer here despite its modern twist, it is unlikely that anyone will enjoy this for more than a few hours at best. It is not that the game doesn't have its fun moments, because it can be that, it is just that they are very short-lived and don't really go any further than the first level. Disappointing.

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By Brad Davey