Superman Returns

Andrew discovers videogaming kryptonite

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The worst videogame ever created. Those are the exact words that many critics used to slam Superman 64, a title that no amount of years in development ever looked like rescuing. From the very beginning of the game it was clear that something had gone very wrong. The N64 was renowned for using fog to hide poor draw distances, sometimes subtly and other times not so. However, Superman 64 set a new low for the console. Metropolis was blanketed in a thick, dense fog that made navigation impossible, the Man of Steel controlled more like a tin robot with rusty joints and the game play (if you could call it that) was so tedious that even the most stony hearted of gamers were left weeping for mercy - particularly those who had lost their receipts. If one painful memory burns brighter than any other, it's that the only way to help Superman to land was to crash him deliberately, head first, into the nearest building.

The truth is that no Superman videogame on any format has really taken the gaming world by storm, no matter the platform or technology at its developer's disposal, a tradition that Superman Returns looks likely to continue. The obvious difficulty, if you think about it, lies in the fact that Superman is nigh on invincible. You can chuck cars, rockets, lasers and asteroids at him and chances are that he'll come through the other side unscathed. The man's a superhero for pity's sake. However, in a sneaky attempt to side-step this problem, EA have plumped to centre Superman Returns around time, one element that no one can control, not even a saviour of the people with a penchant for showing off his shiny red underwear. In the early stages, the ticking clock isn't really of any great concern since the difficulty of missions is fairly tame, but soon and almost without warning the tides turn and suddenly every second counts.

Most levels are built up around the very same formula, with only the powers at Superman's disposal the differing factor. Tasks range from rescuing submarines caught underneath rocks on the seabed, using your x-ray vision to identify and destroy minions and obliterating portals with the lasers buzzing from the eyes of Clark Kent's alter ego. The DS's top screen focuses on the main action, whilst the bottom displays a map dotted with the locations you must visit. Metropolis is always constructed in the form of a fairly uncomplicated maze in these levels, so quickly referencing your position on the bottom screen and following the route on the top screen is key to your success. You'll be asked to repeat the same identical task, (submarine rescue for example) numerous times in the same level and your reward for saving the day at each point is a time bonus. Each short level is literally a case of zipping about every location as quickly as possible, while, if possible, planning the most efficient route via the bottom screen. Superman flies at a respectable pace throughout the narrow city streets (if a littly jerkily), and for a limited time at least, reaching checkpoints and finishing missions on time is a satisfying experience. Destroying enemies or coming to the aid of innocents is far less engaging, with very little skill involved at all. After reaching your target, all that remains is to lock on and hold down the button prompted onscreen to perform one of Superman's powers.

The way you commence each aforementioned level is a bit of a mess, undeniably tagged on to make use of the DS's touch screen functionality. Metropolis is set out from above similar to a Blockbusters-style grid (minus Bob Holness or University students in desperate risk of an encounter with the fashion police), with icons and faces marking the whereabouts of incidents and some of Superman's most famous foes respectively. Each of Superman's nemesis throws down challenges across the city, but our hero only has a limited amount of stamina per 'turn' in order to reach them. You use the stylus to touch your way one step at a time towards trouble, but if your stamina falls short then enemies such as Mongul, Braniac and Bizzaro take further control of the city and simultaneously inflict damage to its very foundations. The status of Metropolis is displayed on a health bar, which ideally you want to keep as close to full as possible. The further you progress into the game, though, the more difficult this becomes. If you fail just a few missions on the trot, the arrival of new enemies, the sheer amount of territory they hold and damage they cause excels to a point where there isn't much point in continuing. A one step forwards, two steps backward kind of situation arises in which the fate of Metropolis is all but sealed, despite your best efforts and the game, theoretically, being far from over.

You'll be pleased to know, however, that the falling of Metropolis won't come as a great shame to anyone with much architectural taste. The urban landscape is like the scene from the beginning of 28 Days Later or of the scene in a typical English city centre when a big football game is being played out - empty. There are a few touches to remind you that, 'hey, you're in a city here', but a place with a couple of traffic lights, trees and mail boxes scattered here and there doesn't really stand up to much when there's a distinct lack of (read: no) vehicles or people. Superman himself has been given the most attention in the looks department, and his arch rivals don't look too bad either, but their animations are stiff and when they do finally square up, their bouts consist of nothing more than a weird, choreographed punch up won by pressing onscreen button combinations in sequence and time.

Not even a mildly entertaining multiplayer mode, neither the incentive of a vintage Superman comic book gallery through the collection of in-game crystals is enough to recommend Superman Returns. It is a title with a dull, repetitive level structure, unforgivably long loading times, lazy cutscenes, a generic musical score and perhaps most damningly, another game blighted by the continuing curse of sub-standard Superman videogames.

29%

By Andrew Macarthy